the most beautiful thing about blogging is the fact that you get to be part of an ongoing conversation with the world. as the global voices slogan puts it: The world is talking. Are you listening?

However, one of the most cathartic aspects of this whole ‘global conversation’ is that you get to leave the particular for just one split second. You get to forget about the mundane. You can theorize about humanity, you can generalize about issues – and we’re all right.

In the real world, those experiences confronting us on a daily basis, and beyond the grasp of the fecundity of cyberspace – we need to make decisions.

These decisions sometimes involve some sticky things such as relationships. Who stays, who goes? When should this decision come about? In many ways I’m very good at making these decisions because I’ve been blessed with some influences in my life that help me with the good judgment necessary upon meeting people. Some people I can tell will be so close, others acquaintances and others will be lucky to receive a call back. I’m not trying to sound like a diva here but the point is that the dice falls where the dice falls.

Lately however, I’ve had to make this decision but I’ve been disappointed with my delay in making it. I mean I have been saying to myself for awhile – ‘mo, mo, they all gotz to go’ – but I decided not to decide for one reason or another. To protect the integrity of some people I’ll not say the reasons but there are a few things that I’ve noticed about myself in friendship:

1. I give 150% effort in every friendship/rel’nship. I love people to the fullest. I like to give my mind and heart passionately and I like to receive trust and respect in return.

2. I’m complicated but try very hard to seem simple. Therefore people believe they understand me much more than they do or ever will. The problem is that everyone thinks that they are more complicated than the next person. I tend not to think this. I think human beings are unpredictable and would never say that I understand someone more than they understand themselves. Because of my conscious effort to be accessible to more than certain ‘types’ of people, I tend to water down some of my more potent thoughts and beliefs. As a result someone will think what I’m expressing is the extent of my thoughts. Through this I notice much more about them then they will of me.

3. I like to be as close to the truth as possible. In this sense my contradictions will be pretty apparent. I.e. I’m sharing my most inner thoughts with the world. This would seem like the most obvious contradiction but because I believe there is a greater Truth I think there is no reason to hide anything. God knows and that is all that really matters at the end of the day.

4. My criticism is born out of ‘good’ intentions but it can alienate some people.

5. There are some criticisms I believe and think about but could never ever tell some people because I believe they could not handle it. I sometimes think alienation would be the best case scenario.

6. I believe I’m an egoist, completely. And it disgusts me. I can see how selfish people are and it is so gross to me, how shamelessly self-interested we all are.

7. I think friends are truly the family you choose for yourself. I love my friends and really would not be the person I am without them. I miss some of my friends who are away right now. I totally have used them as a reflection over the years and I feel fortunate to have had the opportunity to do so.

8. I think other friends are the tests you choose for yourself. They are the path you tell yourself not to walk but the mischevious child inside of you tells you to go ahead anyway. They are the candy-caused cavity. The cavity you could have stopped. The cavity you knew you had complete control over. The mistake that you kept repeating. The regret. (btw: people who say no regrets are liars! In a perfectable world people would use their “I have a regret” card to take the chance to redo something.)

9. All people are beautiful and ugly. I am a person. Therefore I am beautiful and ugly.

10. There is love, love, love, love.