Jokes


How it all started, this two-hour fascination with creative marriage proposals, was with an email sent by my friend.

She was telling us to vote for Essence Magazine’s video wedding proposals contest. The lucky couple wins a free honeymoon to South Africa. So please do vote if you can.

Then I was looking at music videos on YouTube and happened to come across this creative video.

What a great couple! View the invitation below. Isn’t this the most romantic digital-age proposal? Where are all of the geeky princes hiding?

 Aren’t they beautiful? *Sigh…*

Have a *politically correct* Happy Holidays…
…this is an email I received…enjoy.

I really wanted to send out some sort of holiday greeting but it is so difficult in today’s world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. So with that in mind I met with my lawyer yesterday, and on her advice I want to extend this greeting to all of you:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasions of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious / secular persuasions and / or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make Canada great (not to imply that Canada is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only “CANADA” in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her /himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.

The following is a very funny email fwd. You can find a similar one with some slight variations on: http://bovination.com/cows.jsp and I’m sure other drafts can be found on the web too…

DISCLAIMER: *Assign no responsibility to me for the views herein except for the addition of Eritrean Economics*

TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies and the economy grows. You retire on the income.

KENYAN ECONOMICS You have two cows. You eat both of them. You blame Indians for shortages. You ask the European Union to give another two cows to eat.

INDIAN ECONOMICS You have two cows. You worship them.

PAKISTAN ECONOMICS You don’t have any cows. You claim that the Indian cows belong to you. You ask the US for financial aid, China for military aid, British for Warplanes, Italy for machines, Germany for technology, French for submarines, Switzerland for loans, Russia for drugs Japan for equipment. You buy the cows with all this and claim exploitation by the world.

AMERICAN ECONOMICS You have two cows. You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You profess surprise when the cow drops dead. You put the blame on some nation with cows & naturally that nation will be a danger to mankind. You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.

MEXICAN ECONOMICS You have two cows Both try to cross to the US One cow drowns The other cow produces for the US

ETHIOPIAN ECONOMICS You have two cows One starves to death. The government takes the other cow and slaughters it Half the meat is fed to the soldiers fighting Eritrea The other half is sold to buy bullets for use on democracy protesters

ERITREAN ECONOMICS – WE DON’T WANT YOUR COWS! We will wait until border demarcation to raise and slaughter our own.

FRENCH ECONOMICS You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

GERMAN ECONOMICS You have two cows. You re-engineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

BRITISH ECONOMICS You have two cows. They are both mad cows.

ITALIAN ECONOMICS You have two cows. You don’t know where they are. You break for lunch.

SWISS ECONOMICS You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

JAPANESE ECONOMICS You have two cows. You redesign them so that they are 1/10TH the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create cute cartoon cow images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

RUSSIAN ECONOMICS You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 17 cows. You give up counting and open another bottle of vodka.

CHINESE ECONOMICS You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.

SPANISH ECONOMICS You have two cows. You sell them to buy a specially bred Spanish bull. The bull gets killed in a “corrida de toros” in Seville. The “matador” becomes famous and the bull’s head ends up in display in some traditional tapas bar in Andalusia for the amusement of tourists.

TAIWANESE ECONOMICS You have two cows. You send a spy to Japan to try copy their high-tech chip milking strategy. It doesn’t work so kill the cows and sell all the meat to be eaten at some Taipei night market. You produce thousands of fake Cowkimon merchandise and sell it at the above-mentioned night market.

MALAYSIAN ECONOMICS You have two cows. You draft the 9th Malaysian Plan with a long-term strategy to turn Malaysia into the leading producer of milk in the region. The Plan gets stuck in bureaucracy going from one Ministry to the other. By the time the Plan reaches government approval, Singapore has managed to buy the cows off the Malaysians and has become the main producer and exporter of milk in the South East Asia region.

NIGERIAN ECONOMICS You have two cows You send an e-mail to all Yahoo! and Hotmail users explaining that you have 10 cows that you’ve inherited but cannot access. You request an advance fee of 3 cows in order to get the 10 cows and promise a return of 5 cows. It is discovered you never had any cows to start off with.

NEW ZEALAND ECONOMICS You have two cows. Your sheep are jealous.

FINNISH ECONOMICS You have two cows You sell one cow to buy the newest Nokia phone The government takes the other cow in payment for taxes for selling a cow for profit.

CANADIAN ECONOMICS You have two cows You milk one in French, one in English The French one now wishes to split, the English one whines about it