shameless fiction intruding upon my unknowing heart.
entering boldy only to create an unparalleled physical expression of your wrath, the penetration was gentle.
shame on you fictitious man.
creating the illusion of mutual dependence
so that in reality I was the colonized.
making a pretense of our desire.
so that in reality you were adored.
shameless fiction imposing yourself upon my otherwise sturdy soul.
you entered sleekly only to create an irriversible change of values.
shame on you fictitious man, you became my lexicon
so that versions of me were separated,
never relating to one another.
fractures intensified by your absence.
shameless fiction.
a silent lexicon of words you created
so that through you I was defined.
as if you were the sole path to happiness
while woman.
your fictitious nature is naive.
you were forgiven long ago.
you are the mirage that was once corporeal.
the fading past that was once real.
*Because reality is based so much upon our peceptions, and because we create so much of what we think is real, “reality” requires a parenthetical reference, a qualifier, most of the time.
December 2004
December 24, 2004
December 24, 2004
do I smell another form of control?
need I seek another creative liberation,
another rationalization?
just to keep you near.
you are my politicide.
calling into question all that I work for,
all that I pride.
the rumbling in my gut tells me to let you go
yet I remain chained to you, imprisoned.
despite your willingness to let me fly.
the same spot we left it awhile back
the identical feeling:
me always questioning…
you always wondering…
so let us leave it.
let it be.
all that comes to pass without our hand,
all that is will and grace is natural.
to let it be is most calming and natural.
it is the antifeminist who exists in the calm,
it is the antifeminist who believes it is natural.
December 24, 2004
sitting on the bus
waiting to realize some hopes and dreams.
then I glance over to an impediment.
the white man adjusting the buttons on his
favourite army green jacket.
he looks up at me; our eyes meet.
he nods and smiles from the front seat,
thinking he’s doing me a favour.
December 24, 2004
I guess the thrill of wide-eyed question asking -of credulity-
diminishes when one realizes the necessity of decisions and making choices.
but where has all the fun gone?!?
there are very little answers, that is one thing for sure.
at least there are none that satisfy for too long.
knowing this how do you choose to ask relevant questions
without feeling like a puppet-student of life?
December 24, 2004
In desolate environments I stand
surrounded with robotic multitudes
of human beings.
Many rush through busy streets
in desperation.
Anticipating their soon-to-be
short-lived destination.
I stand and I watch as they whiz
by me; automobiles on a turnpike.
Blank stares have become warm greetings.
Shoves and pushes are now handshakes.
But I stand in my friendly,
welcoming solitude and hope
that one day a stranger will
stop and smile.
Pray that humanity has been
covered under the blanket of
simple existence.
Isn’t that exactly what we live to do?
exist in solitude.
December 24, 2004
you are too muggy for me
not quite transparent enough
wonder if its your history
with loops and crevices
you have yet to figure out.
rendering you unable to speak
with your heart.
and while your heart stays silent
mine exists in purgatory
loving and not loved.
you’ve situated this heart
without saying a word;
with no recognition of its sacrifices.
you are too muggy.
not quite transparent enough
but now I see you clearly
from my view between
heaven and hell.
December 24, 2004
diligently he works on the Equation
which puts his identity into question:
“who am I?” he asks,
when solving the left side
of the Equation.
yet he continues to press on.
never stopping for more than a millisecond.
he is pragmatic. his capital awaits.
it waits for the Equation’s solution,
with his own eternally unsolved.
the world embraces such unfinished Equations.
we are dominated by a Man who has never solved
the right side.
fallacious equality, superficial rewards.
the cost of unfinished Equations.
the asian boy here in togo is pragmatic.
he learns early how to solve the left,
leaving the right side for fools.
December 24, 2004
So I am back to my old tactics.
The only place to be silent is among
a hundred conversations.
Among a hundred blurred, indistiguishable
conversations. each of moderate intensity.
everythingburnsme.
I am no longer in awe of existentialist writing.
I no longer seek to translate myself to myself by
literary quotations:
“an unexamined life is not worth living”?
so you say socrates.
sometimes examination is trite and foul.
sometimes it is useless.
perhaps it is better to live and let things burn,
allowing my originality to be expressed
rather than pondering its sincerity, inspiration, utility.
everythingburns.
eavesdropping here is a burden.
everythingburns.
nothing is hot yet everything burns.
and I believe that it will continue to do so
until new inspiration and creativity rears its
mysterious head.
it awaits manifestation…something waits.
maybe it is in the fire?
December 24, 2004
there is something awfully sad about the individual.
it is unnnatural to wash one dirty plate
and to laugh alone at british comedies.
December 24, 2004
is there such thing?
better begets itself
we always want better.
How about best?
what do we need to do to obtain the best
possible life?
change, personalities, clothes, homes, scenery, interests?
yes, I will change clothes tomorrow.
and my life will be better than today.
when I reach to the end of betters with
the best clothes that fit just right
(juuuust right!)
then I will be in the midst of living the best life.
but hopefully I won’t get hit by a car.
then I’d have to start all over.
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